more emotional intelligence
how do you feel?
it turns out feelings drive quite a lot of things. though ironically, the age of enlightenment put paid to emotions, they are in fact critical informants of our path, our transactions with others, and our forward motion. energy is constantly moving and with it our true feelings and their connection to how we choose to behave. Step 1: check in with how are you feeling a few times a day. Like any muscle, exercise matters. Get started with the feelings shortlist below.
if you are feeling:
adamant angry bitchy challenged combative competitive cruel deceitful destructive determined envious evil frustrated furious greedy grouchy hateful irritable infuriated lecherous mad mean obsessed opposed outraged parsimonious pissed quarrelsome rageful righteous sneaky spiteful stingy superior tempted tenacious behement violent whiney wicked
then you are feeling:
anger
if you are feeling:
abandoned angry bitter burdened cheated condemned crushed defeated despair diminished discontented discouraged disturbed divided dominated empty exasperated foolish frantic hurt ignored imposed upon jumpy left out lonely longing melancholy miserable nutty odd pressured rejected sad screwed up suffering thwarted troubled ugly vulnerable weepy worried
then you are feeling:
grief
if you are feeling:
revulsion, loathing, distaste, repugnance, abhorrence, detestation, horror, repulsion, dislike, hatred, antipathy
then you are feeling:
disgust
.
.
if you are feeling:
ambivalent annoyed anxious apathetic bad betrayed confused contrite culpable diffident distracted distraught dubious embarrassed fawning fearful flustered frightened guilty gullible helpless homesick hopeless horrible hysterical intimidated isolated jealous lazy low nervous overwhelmed pain panicked persecuted petrified pity precarious prim prissy relieved remorseful restless scared servile sheepish shocked shy skeptical solemn sorrowful startled strange stunned stupefied stupid tense tentative tenuous threatened tired trapped uneasy unsettled
then you are feeling:
fear
if you are feeling:
adequate affectionate alert astounded awed beautiful blissful bold brave calm capable charmed cheerful childish clever contented delighted desirous eager ecstatic elated electrified enchanted energetic enervated excited fascinated flirtatious foolish free full gay glad good gratified groovy happy heavenly helpful high honoured impressed infatuated inspired hopeful joyous keen kind loving naughty nice nutty peaceful pleasant pleased pretty proud rapture refreshed relaxed relieved reverent rewarded safe sated satisfied secure settled sexy silly stuffed sure sympathetic talkative valued vital vivacious wanted wonderful
then you are feeling:
joy
Source: Paul Eckman (more on that here)
.
not feeling it? here’s a few more to consider:
surprise, amusement, contempt, contentment, embarrassment, excitement, guilt, pride in achievement, relief, satisfaction, shame
P.S. you may also experiencing other states that are not feelings but can sometimes masquerade as them: hunger (eat); tired (sleep); thirsty (drink); dirty (wash); depressed (get help); cold (put a sweater on); hot (take off your clothes); or bored (aren’t we all? – find a good book)
.
As the body, emotional fitness requires practice. To develop this “muscle” check in with yourself regularly. Cultivating mindfulness of how we are feeling is the first step.
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…
(Epictetus – really smart Greek philosopher and cool dude)